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真正的育兒生活,可不像各個親子部落格文章中描述的那般美好。
每對爸媽在育兒過程中一定都會遇到一些問題,而我上個月遇到的困擾,正是柴柴每晚到了睡覺時間都不想睡:硬是要從床頭爬到床尾,再爬到我身上。就算把他放回小床,他也以為我們在玩體能訓練的遊戲,仍然不顧時間一分一秒流逝,繼續死命地往前爬。於是,每晚到最後我都得上演浩克媽媽的戲碼,搞得媽媽氣炸、小孩哭翻、宅老爸看不下去。
就在這段期間,宅老公無意間在書店翻到了首圖這本給爸媽的成人童書。
為何說它是成人童書呢?因為這本書的寫作技巧運用童書擅長的押韻,讓內容讀起來朗朗上口;寫作方法也和大部份童書一樣,藉著描述各種各類動物的生活作息,讓孩童能夠類比學習良好的習慣。只是,這本書的內容字字以口無遮攔的口吻,道盡爸媽的心聲。讓我讀完不禁莞爾讚嘆:「這本書真是太療癒了!」
以下節錄幾頁內容跟大家分享試閱:
本書第一頁從送孩子上床開始, 情緒慢慢累積...... The cats nestle close to their kittens, The lambs have lain down with the sheep. You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear. Please go the f*** to sleep. |
直到38分鐘之後開始飆怒 The wind whispers soft through the grass, hon. The field mice, they make not a peep. It's been thirty-eight minutes already. Jesus Christ, what the f***? Go to sleep. |
進而貶低身為父母的自我價值 The flowers doze low in the meadows. And high on the mountains so steep. My life is a failure, I'm a shitty-ass parent. Stop f***ing with me, please, and sleep. |
最後乾脆放棄,自己先睡...... This room is all I can remember, the furniture crappy and cheap. You win. You escape. You run down the hall. As I nod the f*** off, and sleep. |
結果意外發現孩子睡著了! Bleary and dazed I awaken, To find your eyes shut, so I keep my fingers crossed tight as I tiptoe away and pray that you're f***ing asleep. |
...... 然後孩子又醒了 We're finally watching our movie. Popcorn's in the microwave. Beep. Oh shit. Goddamn it. You've gotta be kidding. Come on, go the f*** back to bed. |
看完這本書之後,才深刻體會原來小孩不睡是許多爸媽都會遭遇的問題,而為此所困的父母多到這本書都可以大賣一百萬本!不過,幸好兩週前我發現一個幫柴柴放電的好方法(就是提早半小時上床讓他爬到累癱,)這才讓浩克媽媽暫時休假不用出場。
但,我想,很快地,等柴柴再大一點,我們就要面對下一個問題了~
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